For Nichole.......because I love you

A few weeks (errr..... maybe a few months ago.....), I asked if anyone had suggestions about a blog post. Nichole said she would love to read about how much I love her.

This one is for you, Nichole.

About 12 years ago I decided that I had some free time on my hands and signed up to be a volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I had no idea how much that decision would brighten my life. I pondered over several files and agonized over who I would pick to mentor. I was pretty sure I did not want to mentor someone who had serious behavior problems. I did not want my free time to feel so much like work. As I looked through files, I kept going back to one of a little blonde girl who by all accounts in that file was going to be a huge pain in my butt! Even though I was sure I would regret it, I asked to be matched with you.

Boy was I wrong!

We met in October and you wanted our first big outing to be a corn maze or some crazy scary haunted house. Ummmm......I HATE that stuff! So I was pretty sure you would never want to see me again. I can't remember what we did on our first outing, but I do remember that I LOVED you right away. We shopped, we ate out, you let me buy you pink stuff (yippeeee!!), we saw some really bad movies together, and we still laugh about the first time I took you to my house to bake cookies. I burned them! I suck in the kitchen. If we were going to have any kind of a relationship, you needed to know this. It is just not something I could hide. We saw plays at Mosley Street Melodrama, Crown Uptown, and Century II.

And not one time were you ever a pain in my butt. I looked forward to seeing you. And I missed you when too much time passed between outings. When I had 3 babies in 1 year and barely saw you, you called to check on me. You brought me the cutest little "twin" shirts for my itty bitty babies and you were the first person other than me and Byron who saw them in NICU.

I know you went through some rough times during those years but we never dwelled on that stuff. We only did happy things and talked about good stuff. I encouraged you to do your best and make good choices, but I never wanted you to have to talk to me about getting in trouble or what poor choices you were making. I wanted you to know that none of that mattered to me. My love is not conditional and nothing you could have ever done would change that. I had no idea if anything I ever said or did made a difference to you. And I knew there was no way you could ever understand how much I loved you and wanted the very best for you.

And then you grew up. And I proudly watched you become a woman. I stood in the court room and watched you marry your best friend, I watched your belly grow and celebrated when sweet baby Raylee was born. And I was so sad that you were doing all of that so far away. But I was also so happy that you had made some really awesome choices in your life and that you created a really good life for yourself. You did it! And I never doubted that you would!

When you send me notes and give me gifts telling me thank you for being there for you, I can't describe how it feels. It only reinforces that I made the right choice in that conference room so many years ago. And I am so thankful that you made the choice to love me too. I should also throw out a great big thank you for not being that pain in the butt I was so sure you would be.

We are full circle now and you are going through an adult sized rough patch. I hope you know that my love for you is still unconditional. While I continue to want what is best for you, I also respect that you have to decide what that means for you. You know where to find me and we can talk about what is going on or not. I am your safe place.

Thank you for letting me love you. You have made a difference in my life.

The End
Elainne