Teach your children about your journey

"You have to teach your children about your journey"

I heard this on a television program and can't get it out of my head. What would I want to teach my children about my journey? What journey? My entire life journey? Spin-offs of my journey? I'm not really sure, but it sure has me thinking about what kinds of things I hope my kids will be thankful for learning from me.  Here are a few that stand out.  

1) Blood does not make you family. This is by far the most valuable lesson I have learned in my life.  I could talk about this for pages and pages and pages.

2) Secrets are destructive. Even when kept in order to protect. No one has a right to decide what you should or should not know about yourself. The events that people keep secret are a part of your story and you have a right to decide how they will impact your journey. 

3) You control your own destiny.  You can only expect to have the kind of life that you are willing to work for. You are not entitled to anything. Live without regrets.

4) No one is better than you because of tangible items, economic class, or popularity. You are not better than anyone else because of tangible items, economic class, or popularity. This speaks for itself.

This blog post could be a million pages full of my thoughts and opinions about things, but these are things that are on my mind today.  What do you want your kids to learn about or from your journey?

The same....and different

When we were told there were TWO BABIES, my immediate thought was that I hoped they could be individuals. I did not give them rhyming names and I refused to dress them alike. It consumed me as to how I could make sure they were not always "the twins."  It even irritated me when people bought them identical outfits and referred to them as "the twins."  

I am not sure when it happened. But it did!  I started dressing them identically and could not stop. I would hyperventilate if anyone even suggested it.  My friend, Melissa, would tell me "could you at least put different shoes on them so I can tell them apart?"  I didn't see the point. After all, they are not identical. They are different. They look different. They act different. They are not the same! Right?!

I cannot deny that they have different personalities. From day one, they were "not the same." I tell people all the time that these boys could not be more different if they had been born to different people!  And that is just what I always wanted for them. To be "Zachary" and "Cooper."  Two little boys who just happened to grow in my belly at the same time. So why do I dress them the same? Probably because I am slightly insane, but that is another blog......

And so here we are. They started kindergarten this year (I know there should be a post about that, but it is still too emotional for me to put "out there," so it will come later. Maybe.). Each night of the first week, when I was getting their clothes out for the day, I had a nagging feeling that it is time to let them pick their own clothes.  So one night, in a moment of weakness, I asked Zachary if he wanted to pick his clothes for the next day. He jumped out of his bed with cautious excitement like he was afraid I was joking.  When I assured him that he could really pick what he wanted to wear, he immediately reached for the clothes I would never have picked for school.  I took a deep breath and told him it was perfect!  All the while I was thinking I could find something "similar" for Cooper to wear and we could ease in to them both picking their own clothes. Chances are that Cooper would not even notice.

I turned back to the closet to pick Cooper's clothes and hear "mama, can I pick my clothes?" I almost passed out.  He noticed! *curses* *curses*  *curses*   I really had no choice. It was time. He did not even look to see what Zachary picked. He reached in and picked his very own clothes. The ones he wanted to wear.

And now they go to school looking like they dressed themselves!  And I am just going to have to live with it.

My journey to graduate school....

I graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work in 1990 from Sam Houston State University in Huntsville, Texas.  Since then, I have had the opportunity to work in some incredible organizations.  My work experience includes direct service positions to mid-level management in the areas of criminal justice (parole), foster care, developmental disabilities (adult and children, community and institution ), and school-based prevention. 

I always wished I had a master's degree, but never had the motivation to do it.   Until now.  Which is really crazy because doing this BEFORE we had 3 kids would have been soooooo much easier!! You learn a lot of stuff in 20 years, and I want the formal credentials to match the experience.

I have lots of experience and I know lots of stuff, but I am not "book smart," and that part scares the crap outta me! I have always been an average student, but important people at WSU know me and have opinions about me. They expect better than average. The truth is that I am old, I am sleep deprived, my memory and concentration suck right now, and I have zero attention span.  eeeeeeeek....

My journey  in the Master Social Work program at Wichita State University starts 8/24/10.   I am doing this for me, but I hope I can make a few people proud along the way.

And as sappy as it will seem to most people who read this blog, it is very important to me that Kellie, Naomi, Ragan, and Sandi  know that I have been honored to be your colleague, friend, and sibling. You are the inspiration for this new leg of my journey. My biggest cheerleaders.

And a great big shout out for Big daddy. He is also making some sacrifices and taking a larger role with the kids and our home so I can do this. 

Wish me luck!!

Ready, Set, Go -->>>>

I am a hermit. I like to be home. And I love my kids and want them to pursue their interests. These two things are not always compatible. I have signed them up for classes at the YMCA in the past and let them decide what they wanted to do. But I have always given them choices of what class to take based on all being in the same location at the same time.  And I have enrolled them in monthly classes so we can take a month off when we want. In all fairness, that is just not the best way to do things any more. 

We have had many discussions about what classes they want to take this fall. Cooper wants to swim. There is no wavering on his part. Samantha and Zachary can never decide.  They have gone back and forth for weeks. This morning, we finally made some decisions!! I am going to get them enrolled before they change their mind again and the classes are filled.

I also decided that in order for them to truly benefit from the instruction, they should go in a more consecutive pattern. I have to put aside my personal feelings about having to be "on the go" so often, but that is what we do as parents.  Plus, Big Daddy will be home during the week and can help as needed. 

Our final decisions are:

Cooper will be enrolled in Swim Academy where he can perfect skills and prepare for competition.  Tu/Th 5:00pm-5:45pm.

Zachary will be enrolled in Gymnastics Academy where he will focus on more competitive gymnastic skills. Sa 11:00am

Samantha will be enrolled in Cheer Academy where she will also have some opportunities for performance. Th 6:00pm

Time to get the mini-van loaded and watch my kids bloom (get used to hearing this). I will be encouraging them to do their best, but I promise not to be that crazy parent who cares more about the end result than the process.  I believe in the journey.

Here we go --->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A new stage for Samantha

I knew the time would come, but that does not make it any easier.  Over the course of the summer, I have noticed little things that have given me pause and forced me to accept that she has entered a new stage in life. 

The first thing I noticed was a change in her facial features. She has lost some teeth, but its more than that. Her face is older and more mature.  I see a young lady when I look at her. Her interests have broadened and individualized at the same time.  She wants to spend more time doing what I am doing, or in her bedroom  alone hanging out with her stuff.  She is calmer and holds herself differently. Her walk is more controlled and her  body language is more refined. She is very interested in growing her circle of girl-friends and seems eager to deepen those relationships.  I have found her deep in serious conversation with her bestest friend, "TRR."  Those two could solve all the problems of the world given the opportunity.

I am sad to accept that my baby girl is no longer a baby, but I am also excited to watch her make her own path in life. There are so many things I want for her, but if you know her at all, you know that she will follow her own path. And she will spend as much time as you give her convincing you that its the best path.  The girl has passion.

I will continue to plant the seeds that I think are important in life. And I can't wait to see how she blooms where she is planted!

I thank God for her every. single. day!

Sleep is not over-rated! And now I understand addiction...

I need to sleep. I want to sleep. I can't sleep. 

I could post a really long boring summary about what is going on with all of this, but I will spare everyone and skip to the point.

People need to sleep. I have had a huge A-HA moment about this. Not sleeping can cause some very serious side effects and screw you up!! For about a year, I have had (worsened) symptoms that have either been disregarded by my family doctor, or not confirmed to mean anything. The symptoms (snoring, night sweats, wake up feeling hung over, morning headaches, night time and morning heartburn, morning nausea, never feeling rested, unusual fatigue, irritability, depression, memory loss, poor concentration, unexplained weight gain, inability to lose weight) are so common amongst women that the real cause is often undiagnosed.

This undiagnosed demon is sleep apnea.  Undiagnosed sleep apnea can lead to undiagnosed heart disease.  People die in their sleep from undiagnosed heart disease. The staff at the center scared the crap out of me!  And at the same time, the skies parted and angels sang. Finally!!  A reason. A confirmation that these things are not all in my head. And a realization that these are not just things that women have to live with as they reach a certain age (*gag*). 

And then I got mad. And I have been mad for a week.  And now that I know what is going on, I am more aware of just how little sleep I get, and of how rotten I feel.  And I feel 100%  justified in being mad. 

And the point.....

When I was at the sleep center, I had a particularly rough night. At one point, I woke up gasping for air. I could swear that a flow of cool crisp air started coming from a nose tube that was attached to me.  I remember thinking how odd that was because I was not told that could happen.  And I LIKED it.  It was the most amazing thing. I could breathe while laying down.  I cannot begin to tell you the ridiculous positions I put myself in at night in an attempt to breathe.  I fell back to sleep and forgot about it until the next night when I went to bed. And the obsession started.

I see the Dr. again on Monday. All I can think about is what I need to do to get that steady flow of cool crisp air through my nose and down my throat every minute of every day.  Was it real? Was I imagining it? I don't know. All I know is that I am now on a perpetual mission to get my fix.