Who is washing the children?

One day my mom called while I was giving Zachary a bath in the kitchen sink. He was a baby so don't be alarmed that I am washing my nine year old son in the kitchen sink. I heard Byron answer the phone and then say "she is washing a baby." I started laughing hysterically. It might not have been as funny as I thought it was, but I was crazy laughing anyway. I had never heard anyone refer to giving a baby a bath as "washing the baby." It is accurate, just not something I had ever heard. Since that day, I have said it myself many times and with a smile. Washing the children is something mom's do. And sometimes mom's forget to buy more soap.

 As I was headed to the shower this morning, I noticed there were only slivers of soap in my shower, so I opened the drawer where I keep soap. No soap. I headed in to Cooper's bathroom and opened the drawer where I keep soap. No soap. I looked in his tub. No soap. I headed downstairs to look in Zachary and Samantha's drawer. No soap. I looked in their tub. No soap. As I stood in the third bathroom and realized there is no bath soap in my house, I had a thought -- WHO IS WASHING THE CHILDREN? Obviously, they are not washing themselves. How long have they been taking baths and showers without soap? Why have I not noticed this? I send them to shower nightly (ok....almost nightly...give me a break!)and they almost always come out of the bathroom wet. Have I been so pre-occupied with just getting through another day that I have not noticed that nobody is washing my children? Parent fail? I would guess that most people would consider this an EPIC FAIL. I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, all of my children are old enough to understand that they should be using soap in the shower. Nobody told me they needed soap. In the great big scheme of life, does it really matter? They all have shampoo. I can probably assume that the suds from that soap have slid over their little bodies and cleaned something, right? Am I failing as a parent if I don't check their bathrooms nightly to be sure there is soap and that it has been used?

What if tomorrow I read an open letter posted on some perfect parent's blog to "the mom who does not wash her children.....?" What if that letter is an open attack on my integrity as a parent and makes a ridiculous connection between there being no bath soap to there being no "raising of the children?" That might cause me some grief. I might decide that I am definitely not taking my role as a parent very seriously if I allow us to run out of soap. I could decide that I am such a loser of a parent that I need to re-evaluate how I do it and make some major changes. Afterall, if I am not living up to others expectations for how it should be done, I am just not worthy. OR, I might not. Instead, I will probably be miffed that some self-righteous person has used a public forum to bash parents for not doing the most perfect thing in every situation of their children's lives. I will be more offended that a woman has decided that the best way to use her time is to publicly announce how piss poor of a job I am doing as a mom if I can be so detached from my children that I do not know if they have been washed. I will probably roll my eyes, give a big heavy sigh, slightly wave my middle finger, and laugh. We ran out of soap. So what! I'll go buy more soap. Running out of soap is just running out of soap. It happens. Life goes on.

A year of silence? From me? WHAT?

I cannot believe that it has been a year since I blogged. I have thought about it often, but could not calm my brain enough to compose anything readable. And honestly, anything I blogged would have only been more of the same stuff I posted the year prior. Life is good. I hate school. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. It took me about 20 minutes to remember how to log in and I had to reset my password. Eeeeeek........

So, are you wondering what is happening in my world? I have now completed 5 of 8 semesters of graduate school. Even though I am sure that going part-time is the best option, I am so ready to be done. Four years is a long time to make the kinds of sacrifices we are making to get this done. It has not gotten easier to manage with work and kids, but I have been able to make all A's so far, and I am feeling good about actually finishing this thing! I have decided that I want to continue working in a school setting after graduation. It is a good fit for me with schedules and I really like the varied opportunities for direct and indirect practice with individuals, families, and communities.

We had a really great summer. Our kids are finally old enough that they are fun to take places. We were not over scheduled or rushed about doing anything. We spent lots of time at the lake and various Wichita pools. It is what we love. We spent a few days in Oklahoma City at Frontier City and Oceans of Fun. It may be the most fun we have ever had as a family. We are looking forward to more fun this summer. We have a float trip booked for July and plan to find more fun water activities to keep us busy.

I am currently struggling (again) with defining what friendship means to me. I consider many people to be friends of mine, but when I am wanting to spend time with a girlfriend, there is not one person I can just pick up the phone to call and make it happen. Everything involves weeks of planning, re-planning, and negotiating dates, times, and activities. It is exhausting. I just want to drive over to someone's house in my comfy clothes and putter around their house with them doing nothing really important. And I want someone to come to my house and do the same. We could talk about things that are heavy on our minds, give and get support, laugh, cry, or just work on projects together with no strict conversation pattern. Our kids could play together while we hang out.

Big Daddy and I have also been working to make healthier choices in our lives. It has been a slow journey, but making small changes over time has worked. It no longer feels like an overwhelming task. He is way better at this stuff than me, but he never makes me feel like I am a slacker. I wish I had half of his motivation. I struggle with comparing myself to others and falling in to a belief that there is only ONE way to be healthy. We have found what works for us and that is all that matters. I could post a blog a day about my frustrations with what I see as a lack of tolerance, adult mean-girl behavior, or various other things that get under my skin. The problem with that is people naturally want to insert themselves in to the situation and create drama about whether or not I must be referring to them. That is not how I roll. I do care what others think and using a blog to air silly indifferences is not what I want. I am making a conscious decision to play nice. Some days that is much harder than others.

In other news, I am considering a massive facebook edit or delete. There are many reasons I might share another time, but mostly, I am feeling the need to step away from the electronic socialization and focus on the real stuff. It causes me stress because I insert myself in to every negative situation posted about and try to figure out if it is about me........ and that just makes me crazy.

Thanks for allowing me to share my scattered thoughts. See ya soon!