Accept the "Thank You"

People hesitate to mentor because they cannot imagine what it is they could do to make a difference. Mentoring is not about immediate gratification. It is about planting seeds that may bloom very slowly. But make no mistake, it makes a difference. And what starts out as a mentoring relationship will often turn in to life long friendships that are equally valuable

Over the years I have found myself in friendships and mentoring situations and had thoughts about whether or not our relationships were important or making a difference. Over the past few months I have received notes and gifts that have helped me to realize those relationships were valuable to all of us. It is really nice to have someone say "thank you for making a difference in my life," but it is hard for me to accept that what I have done has made that kind of impact on anyone. I don't think I did anything special. I was just "me" hanging out with "them" in professional and personal situations. There was no agenda for making a difference. Sharing knowledge and opinions about life and jobs and working together on clearing our paths. Having fun and crying if we needed to cry. Nothing earth shattering about that! Right?

Wrong! When you show up for people when they need you, it is life changing. Do you have to agree with the choices they are making or the path they have taken? Heck no!! You just have to be there to laugh, cry, kick in the butt, and sometimes wallow with them in the misery for a while! And you have to be there to pick them up, wipe the tears, and walk with them a while longer.

There is a popular saying about people not always remembering what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. If you think back in your life, you can probably think of people who you feel made a difference. You might not remember every meeting, outing, or conversation you ever had. But you will remember how you felt when you were together. I have a very long list of people who made that kind of difference in my life.

Mentoring done right is easy. It is unstructured and casual. It does not take elaborate meetings with set rules on what to talk about or do. It is 100% about being there! You show up! The rest just comes.

This blog post is not about how fabulous "I" am, it is about how incredibly powerful it is to have a person who believes in you with everything they have. And this is also about how hard it is to accept that "thank you" or those kind words as being "earned." After all, I have incredible feelings of thankfulness for those who have made a difference in my life. Why is it so hard to believe that someone can feel that way about me?

So, I am going to wear my new starfish necklace (thank you, Naomi) with pride in knowing that something "I" did made a difference to someone. A reminder that you never know who or how your actions will impact someone else's journey. I would much rather know that people remember me because they felt good when I was around. I really don't want to be remembered for some of the other (not so nice) things I have done in my life.

Lesson for today: Always be thankful to those who make a difference in your life. And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS accept the "thank you" when it comes your way!

The search continues....and some other thoughts about the subject

For those following along, here is an update on what is happening and more reflection about why it is happening.

Since my last blog post, we have received many invitations from friends to attend church services with them. We have appreciated the contact and support. We have researched and talked about it until it is making me nutso! Having as intense of a background and residual feelings about church is a big battle in all of this for me. And it really is just me who is so stressed out about it. Who are we kidding? Byron will go wherever I say works for me! He is easy that way.

And I am also walking a line as to not offend others. I know that religion and church are very personal and people will defend their views as being the right one. I am not interested in that. I am not looking for a debate on which "religion" or "church" is best. This is about our journey and my thoughts about it are based on what I think is best for MY family. Mutual respect in that area is appreciated. Pray for us if you wish, but only because you know we are looking for guidance. Please do not pray for our souls because we are obviously lost and hell-bound. That is offensive to me.

We are looking for an area where we can come together as a family and bond in a common theme. A place for guidance in a stronger marriage and guidance as parents in teaching our kids how to live the fullest life possible. This may or may not be a church building. Finding what works to take our family to the next level is what this journey is about. And maybe we find out that our family functions just fine the way it is and we just need to tweak it a bit. That would be ok with me.

I will continue my journey in social work and Byron will continue his journey in sobriety. And at the end of the day we will find a way for all of it to come together. This does not mean that things are out of whack with us. They are not. We have crazy schedules that require tons of organizing and juggling, but we make it work. And our life is good. It really is!