Holiday Traditions......

I started this blog post on Nov 19th.....

Since we have had kids, I have tortured myself with creating traditions that they will look back on and remember with a happy heart.  I have memories like that and I want it very bad for them.  The problem is that we travel for holidays so often that it has been impossible to create those traditions. I don't want our tradition to be that we were never home for Christmas.  Although, it will be interesting to hear how they feel when they realize what we had to do to get those HUGE christmas gifts to Nana and Granny's houses for so many years!!

Big Daddy and I have talked about this often and we know what has to happen.  We need to stay home and create our own traditions.  I want to bake holiday treats and decorate the house and go to every Christmas related activity we can squeeze in. We will search for the best neighborhoods for light displays. And we will anticipate Santa with every ounce of holiday spirit.

This is how it really worked out........

We stayed home.

We saw Santa's Christmas Clown at The Crown Uptown.

The kids decorated the Christmas tree and I did not re-arrange even one thing!

We did not drive around to look at lights, but we noticed them and oooohed and ahhhhhhhed while we were driving around doing other things.

We listened to Christmas music every time we were in the car and a little bit in the house.

We made gingerbread houses, fudge, and baked a cake.

We did a very speedy "Santa" visit at the mall.

The kids anticipated Santa with a greater gusto than ever before.

Christmas morning was magical and everyone was happy.

Here is what I learned:

Relax............I try too hard to force traditions and memories on us. If we live our lives and do things that make us happy every day, those are the things that matter.  I cannot re-create "my" memories in my kids heads.  And I know for 100% sure that I do not want their memory to be that I  forced them to do stupid stuff nobody cared about and then cried when they were not interested.  That would be crazy :)

Moving on to the New Year!

Tis the Season - To Be Thankful

I am thankful for Big Daddy

I am thankful for Amanda, Samantha, Zachary, and Cooper

I am thankful for my dad, mom, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, and a very large extended  family. 

I am thankful for a large home, 3 working vehicles, and two incomes.

I am thankful for friends.

I am thankful for all of the experiences in my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am thankful for Sammy dog, and that I did not break my neck when I tripped over Sadie dog.

I am thankful for Pumpkin Spice coffee and Cheesecake

I am thankful for healthy children who laugh and love

I am thankful for my laptop and my baby lappy

I am thankful for Nicole and that she has Marcus and Raylee

I am thankful for cool crisp temperatures

I am thankful for C-Pap

I am thankful that soon it will be the season to be jolly!!!

The missing blogs.....

Even though I have no formal event or thought process I want to blog about right now, I felt a need to acknowledge that I have not blogged in a while.  There have been plenty of blog-worthy events in my life, I have just not had the energy to put them in grammatically correct blog format. Instead, I will leave you with random thoughts that I would blog about if I had the energy. Enjoy!

If you are going to have friends in your life, know what that means to you. And know what it means to them.  

I love Miche bags, Pampered Chef, Scentsy, and C-PAP!

I found Cooper half asleep peeing in the dog food.  I am still laughing about it. Poor lil guy. Gotta love him!

I hate back pain, tooth pain, when people I love are struggling, and that my children are growing way faster than I can accept. 

Walter's Pumpkin Patch is a fabulous place to make memories with your children and friends.

Graduate school is no joke and I am SO glad I decided to go part-time.

That's all folks!

September 21st: 1968, 1994, and 2007

One day with three reasons to celebrate.

September 21st, 1968:  I made my entrance in to this world in a small town in Southwest Louisiana.  My reasons to celebrate this day have changed in the last few years. In addition to increasing the number that describes how long its been since I was born, it is a day to be thankful for the two daughters who have called me "mom."

September 21st, 1994: "Amanda Lynn"  entered this world in a small town in Lapeer, Michigan.  When they handed her to me at 4 months old, I loved her immediately. When they told me her birthday, I knew she was mine. I knew the reason for all of those years of infertility were so we would open our hearts to other options. I remember every detail about the day we first met her. She was wearing the most adorable pair of denim overalls and had a head full of crazy curly hair.  She no longer lives in our house, and now calls us Aunt and Uncle, but she will always be a part of our family and have a place in our "home."   I earned my mommy stripes with her and nothing changes that!  When people ask how many kids we have, I say "three," but then take a moment to acknowledge her in my heart.  She is always there. 

September 21st, 2007: Samantha Jo White became Samantha Jo Fulenwider in a small courtroom in Wichita, Kansas.  The phone call you get when someone says "come get this baby," is not one you ever forget. November 2003: I was sitting at work with no idea of how my life was about to change. A series of phone calls, an urgent plea for time off work, and less than 24 hours later, I was on my way to Arkansas to "get that baby."   Three years later, we were notified that on September 21st,  a judge had granted our petition for adoption.  

September 21st! Our special day!! Three lives not bound by blood, but connected with an eternal bond.  I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than to celebrate two incredible girls who I get to call "mine."   

A perfect day to reflect on the journey, and to be thankful that even though Big Daddy was not sure how it would go, he opened his heart and trusted my mantra that it would be ok.  It only took him about .5 seconds to love them too!

Teach your children about your journey

"You have to teach your children about your journey"

I heard this on a television program and can't get it out of my head. What would I want to teach my children about my journey? What journey? My entire life journey? Spin-offs of my journey? I'm not really sure, but it sure has me thinking about what kinds of things I hope my kids will be thankful for learning from me.  Here are a few that stand out.  

1) Blood does not make you family. This is by far the most valuable lesson I have learned in my life.  I could talk about this for pages and pages and pages.

2) Secrets are destructive. Even when kept in order to protect. No one has a right to decide what you should or should not know about yourself. The events that people keep secret are a part of your story and you have a right to decide how they will impact your journey. 

3) You control your own destiny.  You can only expect to have the kind of life that you are willing to work for. You are not entitled to anything. Live without regrets.

4) No one is better than you because of tangible items, economic class, or popularity. You are not better than anyone else because of tangible items, economic class, or popularity. This speaks for itself.

This blog post could be a million pages full of my thoughts and opinions about things, but these are things that are on my mind today.  What do you want your kids to learn about or from your journey?

The same....and different

When we were told there were TWO BABIES, my immediate thought was that I hoped they could be individuals. I did not give them rhyming names and I refused to dress them alike. It consumed me as to how I could make sure they were not always "the twins."  It even irritated me when people bought them identical outfits and referred to them as "the twins."  

I am not sure when it happened. But it did!  I started dressing them identically and could not stop. I would hyperventilate if anyone even suggested it.  My friend, Melissa, would tell me "could you at least put different shoes on them so I can tell them apart?"  I didn't see the point. After all, they are not identical. They are different. They look different. They act different. They are not the same! Right?!

I cannot deny that they have different personalities. From day one, they were "not the same." I tell people all the time that these boys could not be more different if they had been born to different people!  And that is just what I always wanted for them. To be "Zachary" and "Cooper."  Two little boys who just happened to grow in my belly at the same time. So why do I dress them the same? Probably because I am slightly insane, but that is another blog......

And so here we are. They started kindergarten this year (I know there should be a post about that, but it is still too emotional for me to put "out there," so it will come later. Maybe.). Each night of the first week, when I was getting their clothes out for the day, I had a nagging feeling that it is time to let them pick their own clothes.  So one night, in a moment of weakness, I asked Zachary if he wanted to pick his clothes for the next day. He jumped out of his bed with cautious excitement like he was afraid I was joking.  When I assured him that he could really pick what he wanted to wear, he immediately reached for the clothes I would never have picked for school.  I took a deep breath and told him it was perfect!  All the while I was thinking I could find something "similar" for Cooper to wear and we could ease in to them both picking their own clothes. Chances are that Cooper would not even notice.

I turned back to the closet to pick Cooper's clothes and hear "mama, can I pick my clothes?" I almost passed out.  He noticed! *curses* *curses*  *curses*   I really had no choice. It was time. He did not even look to see what Zachary picked. He reached in and picked his very own clothes. The ones he wanted to wear.

And now they go to school looking like they dressed themselves!  And I am just going to have to live with it.

My journey to graduate school....

I graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work in 1990 from Sam Houston State University in Huntsville, Texas.  Since then, I have had the opportunity to work in some incredible organizations.  My work experience includes direct service positions to mid-level management in the areas of criminal justice (parole), foster care, developmental disabilities (adult and children, community and institution ), and school-based prevention. 

I always wished I had a master's degree, but never had the motivation to do it.   Until now.  Which is really crazy because doing this BEFORE we had 3 kids would have been soooooo much easier!! You learn a lot of stuff in 20 years, and I want the formal credentials to match the experience.

I have lots of experience and I know lots of stuff, but I am not "book smart," and that part scares the crap outta me! I have always been an average student, but important people at WSU know me and have opinions about me. They expect better than average. The truth is that I am old, I am sleep deprived, my memory and concentration suck right now, and I have zero attention span.  eeeeeeeek....

My journey  in the Master Social Work program at Wichita State University starts 8/24/10.   I am doing this for me, but I hope I can make a few people proud along the way.

And as sappy as it will seem to most people who read this blog, it is very important to me that Kellie, Naomi, Ragan, and Sandi  know that I have been honored to be your colleague, friend, and sibling. You are the inspiration for this new leg of my journey. My biggest cheerleaders.

And a great big shout out for Big daddy. He is also making some sacrifices and taking a larger role with the kids and our home so I can do this. 

Wish me luck!!

Ready, Set, Go -->>>>

I am a hermit. I like to be home. And I love my kids and want them to pursue their interests. These two things are not always compatible. I have signed them up for classes at the YMCA in the past and let them decide what they wanted to do. But I have always given them choices of what class to take based on all being in the same location at the same time.  And I have enrolled them in monthly classes so we can take a month off when we want. In all fairness, that is just not the best way to do things any more. 

We have had many discussions about what classes they want to take this fall. Cooper wants to swim. There is no wavering on his part. Samantha and Zachary can never decide.  They have gone back and forth for weeks. This morning, we finally made some decisions!! I am going to get them enrolled before they change their mind again and the classes are filled.

I also decided that in order for them to truly benefit from the instruction, they should go in a more consecutive pattern. I have to put aside my personal feelings about having to be "on the go" so often, but that is what we do as parents.  Plus, Big Daddy will be home during the week and can help as needed. 

Our final decisions are:

Cooper will be enrolled in Swim Academy where he can perfect skills and prepare for competition.  Tu/Th 5:00pm-5:45pm.

Zachary will be enrolled in Gymnastics Academy where he will focus on more competitive gymnastic skills. Sa 11:00am

Samantha will be enrolled in Cheer Academy where she will also have some opportunities for performance. Th 6:00pm

Time to get the mini-van loaded and watch my kids bloom (get used to hearing this). I will be encouraging them to do their best, but I promise not to be that crazy parent who cares more about the end result than the process.  I believe in the journey.

Here we go --->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A new stage for Samantha

I knew the time would come, but that does not make it any easier.  Over the course of the summer, I have noticed little things that have given me pause and forced me to accept that she has entered a new stage in life. 

The first thing I noticed was a change in her facial features. She has lost some teeth, but its more than that. Her face is older and more mature.  I see a young lady when I look at her. Her interests have broadened and individualized at the same time.  She wants to spend more time doing what I am doing, or in her bedroom  alone hanging out with her stuff.  She is calmer and holds herself differently. Her walk is more controlled and her  body language is more refined. She is very interested in growing her circle of girl-friends and seems eager to deepen those relationships.  I have found her deep in serious conversation with her bestest friend, "TRR."  Those two could solve all the problems of the world given the opportunity.

I am sad to accept that my baby girl is no longer a baby, but I am also excited to watch her make her own path in life. There are so many things I want for her, but if you know her at all, you know that she will follow her own path. And she will spend as much time as you give her convincing you that its the best path.  The girl has passion.

I will continue to plant the seeds that I think are important in life. And I can't wait to see how she blooms where she is planted!

I thank God for her every. single. day!

Sleep is not over-rated! And now I understand addiction...

I need to sleep. I want to sleep. I can't sleep. 

I could post a really long boring summary about what is going on with all of this, but I will spare everyone and skip to the point.

People need to sleep. I have had a huge A-HA moment about this. Not sleeping can cause some very serious side effects and screw you up!! For about a year, I have had (worsened) symptoms that have either been disregarded by my family doctor, or not confirmed to mean anything. The symptoms (snoring, night sweats, wake up feeling hung over, morning headaches, night time and morning heartburn, morning nausea, never feeling rested, unusual fatigue, irritability, depression, memory loss, poor concentration, unexplained weight gain, inability to lose weight) are so common amongst women that the real cause is often undiagnosed.

This undiagnosed demon is sleep apnea.  Undiagnosed sleep apnea can lead to undiagnosed heart disease.  People die in their sleep from undiagnosed heart disease. The staff at the center scared the crap out of me!  And at the same time, the skies parted and angels sang. Finally!!  A reason. A confirmation that these things are not all in my head. And a realization that these are not just things that women have to live with as they reach a certain age (*gag*). 

And then I got mad. And I have been mad for a week.  And now that I know what is going on, I am more aware of just how little sleep I get, and of how rotten I feel.  And I feel 100%  justified in being mad. 

And the point.....

When I was at the sleep center, I had a particularly rough night. At one point, I woke up gasping for air. I could swear that a flow of cool crisp air started coming from a nose tube that was attached to me.  I remember thinking how odd that was because I was not told that could happen.  And I LIKED it.  It was the most amazing thing. I could breathe while laying down.  I cannot begin to tell you the ridiculous positions I put myself in at night in an attempt to breathe.  I fell back to sleep and forgot about it until the next night when I went to bed. And the obsession started.

I see the Dr. again on Monday. All I can think about is what I need to do to get that steady flow of cool crisp air through my nose and down my throat every minute of every day.  Was it real? Was I imagining it? I don't know. All I know is that I am now on a perpetual mission to get my fix.

Who cares about the starfish?

Why Starfish Chronicles?

I have a starfish tattoo on my right ankle with the letter "A" inside.  It reminds me of how I want to live my life, and of someone who has made a much bigger difference in my life than she will ever know. I hope I have made the kind of difference in hers that gives her strength when she needs it.  (((I love you, Amanda)))

For all the starfish in my life and for all the people who have picked me up and helped get me back to where I belong- THANK YOU!

The starfish story (in a nutshell):

A man was walking along the shore when he noticed a child picking up starfish one by one and throwing them back in the ocean. There were starfish as far as he could see. He approached the child and asked "why are you doing this? You cannot possibly make a difference here." The child picked up another starfish, threw it to the water, and said, "I made a difference to that one."

Hello peeps!!

Please read "about me" to get an idea of what is going to happen here. This blog stuff is all brand new to me and I am needing lots of guidance....

Interesting things to read will come soon - promise :)